Keys to Staying Connected in Your Relationship

"Marriage isn't just about raising kids, splitting chores and making love. It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together - a culture rich with rituals, and an appreciation for your roles and goals that link you..." Gottman, 7 Principals of Making a Marriage Work
There are different elements that help build and support a shared meaning, all of which should be established and then built on over time. Read through each element and answer the questions after each section, making note of any thoughts that pop up you want to share with your lover.
Four Elements that Build a Shared Meaning and Purpose
Tip 1. Rituals of Connection
Tip 2. Shared Views
Tip 3. Shared Goals and Dreams
Tip 4. Shared Values
Tip 1. Rituals of Connection:
A ritual of connection refers to the small things you do as a couple or a family which build and strengthen the emotional and spiritual connections between you all.
Ask yourself these questions:
• How do you and your partner connect with each other?
• Have you developed your own family rituals?
This could be a special meal on the weekend such as a takeaway on a Saturday or Sunday roast or movie night every Friday.
• In what unique ways do you celebrate religious holidays?
• Do you have a ritual for love making?
• Do you dedicate a day or night per week for family or romance?
Many couples find love and connection flourishes when they have an intimate ritual to look forward to. The key here is to find something that you do together regularly that you can look forward to.
Answer the above questions and think about the rituals of connection you have: do they work for you? Could you improve them to increase your connection or create some new ones?
Tip 2. Shared Views:
Support for Each Other's Roles
When couples come to me a lot of the problems stem from the fall out of what they think their partner "should" be doing versus what they are actually doing. I often hear: "As a husband... " he "should" be doing this, fixing that, paying for this or giving me that. Similarly I hear it the other way round too: "A wife "should" look after the home, stay in with the family and contribute to the finances." The problem stems from the fact that these assumed roles are often never discussed so each person develops their own views on situations without taking the time to understand the perspective of their partner. This where resentment builds. The happiest couples agree on the roles they define for themselves and support each other with them. This is crucial as it helps to build a shared meaning.
Family and Parenting
Having similar views on parenting also adds to a strong sense of shared meaning, so does your views on the level of interaction you expect to have with your parents, siblings and cousins. For example, do you both consider extended family part of your daily family life or do you prefer distance and more of a nuclear family?

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